I'll Never Be A Rockstar

Let's face it. I’m never gonna be a rockstar. Yes, I make music, and I do make some sort of living from it. Yes, I too had a dream once of being a rock star. I did all the things necessary to achieve this. I played in rocks bands. I wore clothes that made me look like I was a rockstar. I hung out with other people that played rock. I moved to Nashville, because I lived in the delusion that if I was closer to the industry, I had a better chance of “making it”. I had my own band, and I toured around and played gigs all over the place.

I even traveled internationally. Yes, you heard right. I am an international sensation. Show choir in Japan. In the town of Hartlepool, UK, in the 5-10 year old demographic, I’m as big as Kermit the Frog. Children sing my songs in the parks. And then there were those people that I met in Russia in the middle of nowhere who had me play, “Our God Is An Awesome God” (though I really only know the chorus and just hummed the verse), over and over and over again. I’m sure they love me too. International status, baby. In the end, however, I never became a rock star.

This wasn’t totally by circumstance. Much of it has been my choice. I played in a band right out of high school that got a record contract. I chose to leave the band the moment that labels started sniffing around. I’ve had other occasions that I’ve brushed up against that industry. But I’ve never bothered to pursue it that much. Why you ask? There are lots of reasons really. And there were some clues along the way that I wasn’t meant for stardom. Some red flags that perhaps I wasn’t destined for the limelight. I’ve taken the liberty of listing just a few below: 

1. Girl jeans. That's right. I cannot and will not wear girl jeans. I can’t in good conscience wear jeans tighter than what my wife wears. Lots of actual men who are musicians really fancy wearing a woman’s jeans, or at least something so tight that only a woman should be wearing them. I, on the other hand, like to be able to sit down in the clothes that I wear. Plus, I don’t have a great butt. It’s best hidden under normal fitting clothes. 
2. I’m big boned (my wife will be less mad at me if I say big boned as opposed to fat). Aside from Zac Brown, or John Popper (though he actually lost a ton of weight) there aren’t a whole lot of rock stars that weigh over 120 pounds. I weigh about double that. This means that any sort of mechanical or hydraulic device designed to launch me far into the air during a rock and roll show, or any device designed to raise me from underneath the stage is gonna have to work twice as hard to do so. 
3. I have a giant beard. Again, there are exceptions to this rule, but the majority of rockers are smooth as a babies butt. I’ve had a beard since I was about 20 years old. I shaved it once a couple of years ago as part of a game, and I ended up looking like chester the molester without it. Women would grab their children and hold them close by their side when I was near. Not good. Also, beards are not good for pyrotechnics. Too easy to catch my face on fire when huge explosions and fireworks are going off all around me. 
4. I lack a cool haircut. I cut my own hair. And not in that cool, “I just gave myself a hipster haircut and added red highlights”, kinda way. It’s more of a, “I’m too cheap to pay someone money to do this, but not quite talented enough to be cutting my own hair”, sorta way. So it's best kept very short, or hidden under a hat. 
5. I’ll never be known for my lifestyle more than for my talent. That’s right. I’m not enough of a ladies man to to make the cover of a celebrity tabloid for dating Jennifer Aniston and three other actresses at the same time. And my name sounds bad combined into a celebrity name. “Chrisifer”, just sounds like someone is making fun of me because I can’t climb the ropes in gym class. Nor am I so much of an idiot to repeatedly end up in jail (except for that one time) for bad driving, substance abuse, or just being a dumb human being. This also means I’ll never be in the care of Dr. Drew, which is actually kind of a bummer. 

And aside from the obvious, I realized at some point that the reason I wanted to be a rock star was purely for selfish reasons. Sure I tried to convince myself that it was what God wanted me to do. That I was doing God a favor. But the reality was, that I just wanted people to like me and tell me how great I was. What a good guitar player I was, or vocalist, or song writer, or whatever.

It’s difficult for musicians to not be self absorbed. Being able to play music and do it well really strokes the ego. Its not that there is anything wrong with being a star. Its a question of motivation really, and whether or not God created you to be that. And I truly believe that God’s plan for some of us is to be that kind of person. A star. And that He would be glorified in that. But not me. And to this day, I continually have to put that part of myself to death.

Our giftedness and talents are a gift from God to be used to bring glory to Him, and not to ourselves. So as a musician or worship leader, or anyone who is gifted creatively in any way, be honest with yourself. Is pride something that you struggle with? Are your motives something other than the desire to honor and glorify God? Is pride and selfishness something that you need to die to?